Newspaper still most effective in spying from park bench

Media is an ever changing landscape. From the loss of physical-newspaper readership to the emergence of social media, the last few years alone have seen a stunning transformation in the field. But along with all the positive changes brought by the modern age, negative ramifications persist. Though hard news will always have its place in the public's lives, many have begun to question print media's role in the future. Though paper readership has gone down in the past few decades, newspapers still serve a number of everyday purposes: house training dogs, filling hamster cages, and decorating homemade Pinterest projects. But now, even these services can be filled with other non-newspaper materials. There is one use for newspapers that has stood the test of time, continuing well into the modern era; newspapers are still consistently used when clandestinely watching people in public places. In a recent poll taken of Caucasian men between the ages of 18 and 65, 92% said they prefer holding a paper over a phone when spying on strangers and former paramours. Local man, Jon Smithers, often visits Andrews Park to see how ex-girlfriend Tiffany is acclimating to single life. "If I was just holding a phone or iPad, she would've seen me," said Smithers. "Thanks to The Yukon Progress I was able to remain undetected."

Smithers has become an expert people watcher in recent years and has cited newspapers as both his go-to spy shield and his favorite news source.

"Spying on people is like going to the zoo," Smithers continued. "You're really there for the animals, but sometimes they stop moving and it gets boring. When I'm hiding behind a newspaper and it's a slow day, I can look down and find out what's happening in local government. I mean, I don't really care, but it's in front of my face, so...why not?"