Oxford comma thinks it's so much god damm better than community college educated comma

In the overwhelming chaos of a divided world, few truly uniting issues remain in the American vernacular. But beyond political ideology or moral alignment, there is one issue that makes us forget all the rest, lose track of all time, and clarify to the general populace what is truly of mortal consequence: the dwindling usage of the Oxford comma.

The inclusion of an oxford comma has grown infamous for adding an aura of prestige to one's prose that is simply not possible with a standard comma of below average intellect. However, recent years have seen a influx of didactic choices and syntactical preferences that render the once prominent mode of adjective separation moot. 

"You think it bothers me that these benighted plebeians fail to recognize my import?" asked local Oxford comma of his dwindling popularity in English literature. "Ha! That is a ridiculous, unfounded, and pejorative assertion."

Animosity has existed betwixt the Oxford and Original recipe comma communities for centuries, but this new shift of power could stand to shift the status of the inter- punctuation feud to a full-fledged war. 

"Those pricks have been leading the comma game for too long," said comma and Oklahoma City Community College sociology major, Dash. "It's time for us regular commas to get some of the glory! We work just as hard as those British pansies! If they think they're better than us, they're dumb, stupid and bad!" 

As chairmen for the Society of Comma Camaraderie and Punctuational Peace Nobel Laureate, Mark King had this to say:

"B,o,t,h s,i,d,e,s m,a,k,e v,a,l,i,d p,o,i,n,t,s, I, j,u,s,t, w,a,n,t e,v,e.r,y,o,n,e t,o g,e,t a,l,o,n,g,"